New Jersey Divorce Lawyers discuss Divorce, Remarriage, and Sticky Issues – How a Popular Band’s Rift Can Teach Divorcing People a Lesson
Kiss was recently inducted into the Hall of Fame. However, Kiss decided not to perform at the ceremony. Why turn down such an honor? Because the Hall of Fame were inducting ONLY the original band members; however, two of the original Kiss members were long ago replaced by others.
Kiss co-founders Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley respectfully declined to perform, because they felt that it would be disrespectful and hurtful to their current band mates. Controversy surrounding this “non-event” went viral on Twitter and the blogosphere, with fans arguing about the pros and cons of performing with the original four band mates, versus performing with the current, long-standing lineup.
Through it all, Simmons and Stanley kept mum on the topic of the former original band mates, respectfully noting they will accept the award, but not dishonor their current band mates by playing with their former band mates.
So, how is this situation, and Kiss’s actions in the face of controversy, instructive to those divorced, or going through a divorce, or to those who are remarried? Being in a band can be similar to being in a marriage. You think together, create together, travel together, earn money as a group, and at times even live together for extended stretches. It is inevitable that this close proximity will also result in arguments, and in some cases, escalate to a breakup.
When you divorce, in most cases, you don’t want to be ‘hanging out’ with your former spouse, save for necessary mutual social occasions. Once remarried, your new life more pertinently involves your new spouse. And it’s not appropriate for others to insist that you bring your former spouse along to events, especially when you are well into a successful and happy remarriage. This is, in essence, what the Hall of Fame was asking Kiss to do.
Kiss, despite their raucous performances onstage, showed a lot of class and respect. They were never rude in public about their former band mates. Rather, they congratulated them publicly but politely held their ground without calling anyone “wrong” or “bad.” They were respectful of both their old ‘spouses’ – the original band-mates – and their new ‘spouses’ – the longstanding newer members. Kiss managed to maintain a fine balance, honoring both the old and newer members with their actions.
When you have been divorced, the takeaway from this tale could be don’t badmouth your ex; also, don’t allow pressure from others to force you to participate in activities with your former spouse, to the exclusion of your current spouse, even if people, such as kids or friends (or in the case of Kiss, some fans) want things to be “the way they were”. Because not honoring the present properly could lead to another divorce.
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