Navigating Holiday Parenting Schedules: A Guide for Divorced Parents

Divorce lawyers

The holiday season is a time of joy, family gatherings, and cherished traditions. However, for divorced parents, this time of year can also present unique challenges, particularly when it comes to navigating parenting schedules. Balancing the needs and desires of each parent with the wishes of the child(ren) can be a delicate task. This is especially true in the first year after separation or divorce when emotions may still be raw, and a “formal” schedule has not yet been established. Here are some strategies for creating a stress-free holiday that works for everyone involved.

  1. Start Early and Communicate Openly

As the holidays approach, both parents should discuss their plans and preferences for how to celebrate with the child(ren). Open communication is key in making sure both parents participate in the planning. Approaching the conversation with a spirit of collaboration rather than competition helps to focus both parents that their shared goal should be creating a joyful holiday for their child(ren).

  1. Consider Your Child’s Needs

While the logistics of the schedule are important, the emotional needs of your child(ren) should always come first. Children may have attachments to specific holiday traditions or events. Take their feelings into account when crafting a schedule, so that they can continue to participate in family gatherings or activities they look forward to every year.

  1. Create a Fair Schedule

Aim for fairness and balance in your holiday parenting schedule, so that your child(ren) can spend time with both parents, rather than feeling anxiety about dividing their time.

Some common practices you can consider are:

Alternating Holidays: One parent has the children for Thanksgiving one year, and the other parent has them the next year. This can apply to other holidays as well, like New Year’s or Feast of the Three Kings (Jan 6).

Split Holidays: In some cases, it makes sense to split the holiday itself. For example, the child(ren) could spend the morning with one parent and the evening with the other, or one parent could have him or her on Christmas Eve while the other would have Christmas Day.  The same idea can work for multi-day holidays such as Hannukah or Kwanzaa.

  1. Document the Schedule

Once you’ve agreed upon a holiday parenting schedule, write it down – even in an email or text message!  Written agreements provide clarity to both parents and help avoid confusion later. This can be particularly important if the co-parenting relationship is strained. A clear  document serves as a reference point and reduces misunderstandings.

  1. Be Flexible

While having a set schedule is important, flexibility is equally crucial. Unforeseen circumstances (like illness or travel delays) may require modifications if they arise. Additionally, with the nature of holiday celebrations, spontaneous gatherings or last-minute visitors may pop up unexpectedly. The spirit of compromise goes a long way toward a more harmonious holiday for everyone involved. Plus, you never know when you might need to request the same courtesy in the future!

  1. Stay Positive

As you navigate the complexities of holiday parenting, try to maintain a positive attitude. Framing the time your child(ren) spends with each parent as an opportunity to create beautiful memories minimizes resentment or a sense of possessiveness that can otherwise eclipse the true purpose of the season. Support their excitement about spending time with both parents and make grown up plans that you can look forward to when you are “off duty.”

  1. Prioritize Self-Care

Lastly, remember that holidays can be stressful enough, but adding coparenting to the mix often amplifies the feeling.  It is essential for parents to take care of themselves during this busy season,  whether by scheduling time to exercise, enjoying a spa day, or simply taking time  out of your day to breathe. It is important to prioritize your well-being, so you can be more present and engaged with your child during your time together.

The holiday season can be a magical time for families, but when family structures change it requires thoughtful planning and cooperation. By communicating openly, considering the child’s needs and remaining flexible, you can create a holiday experience that is joyful for everyone involved. Happy holidays!

Written by: Jennifer Cornelius, Esq. Senior Counsel

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With offices in Somerville, Morristown, and Freehold, the experienced family law attorneys at Lyons & Associates, P.C. can help you navigate holiday parenting time. To schedule a free consultation, call our office at (908) 575-9777 or visit our website at www.lyonspc.com.