How to Set Boundaries in Divorce?

Going through a divorce can be a challenging and disruptive process that can disrupt your life, even after all the papers have been signed and the divorce has been finalized. The process may become particularly difficult to navigate if you and your former spouse do not establish clear boundaries. This can make it easier for both of you to move forward, help your children adjust to the divorce, and avoid ongoing conflict. As you move past the painful and tumultuous period that caused you to get a divorce, setting clear boundaries will help you take control of your life and maintain a respectful relationship with your former spouse, which is particularly important if you have children. If you are going through a divorce and have questions about establishing boundaries with your spouse, do not hesitate to contact an experienced divorce lawyer at your earliest convenience.

What Are the Different Types of Boundaries That May Need to Be Set?

Every divorce is unique, and couples may need to prioritize certain boundaries over others based on the circumstances of the divorce. The following are examples of boundaries that you may need to establish in order to make the divorce process go as smoothly as possible:

 

• Physical Boundaries: This allows you to create space between you and your former spouse. Whether you continue to live together while you navigate the divorce process or one of you moves out, it is important that you put some physical distance between the two of you. If you do need to remain in the home together for financial reasons, it is highly recommended that you sleep in separate rooms and put distance between the two of you when possible. This should be a top priority if your spouse has been physically abusive over the course of your marriage.
• Emotional Boundaries: Once you have made the difficult decision to get a divorce, establishing emotional boundaries is crucial to protecting your mental health. This can help you manage your emotions and prevent discussions from becoming heated. There are several strategies for establishing emotional boundaries, including limiting conversations between you and your spouse that could cause emotional distress or only discussing the divorce at certain agreed-upon times. A therapist or counselor can help you establish and maintain these boundaries.
• Financial Boundaries: It is very common for couples to disagree about a range of financial matters, including the division of assets and debts, separating joint bank accounts, and alimony and child support. A dedicated divorce lawyer will ensure that all financial matters are resolved in a legal and fair way.
• Communication Boundaries: There are several ways to set communication boundaries that will improve communication and prevent misunderstandings or arguments. For example, you may want to consider deciding on the mode of communication you would prefer, whether email, phone calls, or text messages, as well as the frequency of your communications. All communication should be respectful and focused on resolving your issues.
• Social Boundaries: This refers to friends, family, and mutual acquaintances. You will need to decide how you would like to handle holidays, social gatherings, and other events that you used to attend together.

How Do I Discuss Boundaries with My Spouse?

Unless your divorce is amicable, any communication with your spouse may be fraught with anger, resentment, and stress. Initiating a conversation about boundaries may seem like a daunting task. The following tips can help you broach the topic and have a productive conversation:

 

• Choose a neutral location where you feel comfortable and safe. Do not have a conversation about setting boundaries if one or both of you are tired, stressed, upset, or distracted.
• Prepare for the conversation by thinking about the boundaries you want to establish and how to do it. Consider writing your thoughts down or creating an outline of the points you would like to communicate.
• Be clear about the boundaries you want to establish and provide specific examples, if possible. This can help avoid misunderstandings.
• Be an active listener during your conversation, and make an effort to understand your spouse’s thoughts about certain boundaries. Be willing to make compromises if necessary.
• Be firm and make it clear to your spouse that the boundaries are non-negotiable, but do so in a way that is respectful.
• Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. This is a more assertive form of communication that focuses on your feelings and beliefs rather than your spouse’s. By using “I” statements, you can avoid placing blame on your former spouse, which can make them feel defensive and cause accusations and arguments.
• Remain calm. It is common for conversations to get heated when discussing sensitive topics. If you cannot maintain a calm demeanor, walk away and return to the conversation when you are calmer and more level-headed.
• Discuss the issue with your divorce lawyer. In some cases, establishing boundaries may impact legal issues like custody arrangements or alimony. Your divorce lawyer will protect your legal rights and file a petition with the court if necessary.

What if My Former Spouse Violates the Boundary?

Ideally, you will both agree to the recommended boundaries and avoid any future conflicts. However, if your ex does violate a boundary, there are steps you can take, including the following:

 

• Reiterate the boundaries you both agreed to.
• Establish consequences for violating a boundary.
• Seek support from experts like a family counselor or a divorce lawyer.
• Keep a detailed record of instances where your ex violated a boundary.
• Take legal action if the situation escalates or becomes unsafe.

Freehold Divorce Lawyers at Lyons & Associates, P.C. Help Clients Navigate Conflict During the Divorce Process

If you are going through a divorce, the Freehold divorce lawyers at Lyons & Associates, P.C. will assist you with all aspects of the divorce process and recommend effective strategies to help you establish boundaries with your spouse. To schedule a free, confidential consultation, call us today at 908-575-9777 or contact us online. Located in Somerville, Morristown, and Freehold, New Jersey, we serve clients throughout Somerset, Woodbridge, Morristown, Parsippany, Rockaway, Short Hills, Chatham, Randolph, Madison, Morris Plains, and Monmouth County.

• Category: Divorce